st_andingtall | [For Mary] Talking, backdated to closer to arrival

Entry tags:

mary,
sam

[For Mary] Talking, backdated to closer to arrival

A little while after his mom had arrived, Sam called her room and invited her to join him for a meal. It felt awkward and uncomfortable, but it was the right thing to do. Since she agreed, he arranged to meet her out by the pool.

It was a pleasant evening, and several heat lamps had been placed around the bar to make taking meals outside more comfortable. Kitty had seen him go out and gave him a thumbs up to say she'd check on him and his guest later. He sat and waited for her to arrived, fingers tapping awkwardly on the table.

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He pushed in her chair and then went to his own. "You would if I was cooking it." He wasn't terrible, but chicken was taxing his capabilities. "Dean pours a mean bowl of cereal and I can toss a salad."

She laughed a little. "Probably my fault. I spoiled your father by cooking for him almost all the time. But I can always teach you if you like." She rested her arms on the table top. "Women like a man who can cook."

"It was more that we moved around a lot and lived in a motels. If we couldn't make it in a microwave, we didn't eat it." Sam shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of it and make it worse for her. But he also didn't want to lie. "Dean tried, but he was just a kid too."

Mary pressed her true feelings on the subject down, but it hurt her heart to hear they lived out of motels. She knew that life very well and it wasn't a good one. She gave a nod instead.

"Well, like I said, I can always teach you." She offered a small smile.

"Yeah, maybe." He didn't really want to learn, at least not now. Which was stupid and sulky, but it was something that tied him and Dean together.

"What do you like to cook?"

"My favourite is baking. Cookies, brownies. Pies were your father's and Dean's favourite so I got really good at those." Mary smiled widely with a hint of amusement. "We used to have a baked ham on Sundays. Family dinner no matter what was going on with our lives." While Mary's smile remained, after a moment there was a hint of sadness to it after she remembered they would no longer have that.

"I can't imagine that," Sam said quietly, a little wistful and a little angry, but not enough of either to scowl at her. "Dad barely ever sat down for dinner at all that I can remember." Definitely not the last few times they had seen him. Or, well, he had, but they were all so tense it hadn't really felt like sitting. "Dean probably has different memories. They got along a lot better than Dad and I ever did."

The smile remained on her lips, but looked a little more somber. "I'm sorry to hear that, Sam." Mary believed it would have been different if she hadn't died.

"Not your fault." It wasn't, and he caught her gaze and held it to make sure she knew that was one thing he didn't blame her for. "Jess always said it sounded like we were too much alike. She never met him, but she definitely wasn't wrong."

"Jess." She paused, trying to recollect the name but failing. The fact she had nothing attached to this name bothered her, but she filed away that feeling - she was getting good at that. "Jess was your.... friend? girlfriend?" Mary stopped herself there. Was Sam married? He was young, but it was possible. So many things she didn't know about him.

Sam's eyebrows bunched together over a gaze clouded with a touch of confusion and more than a little pain. His mother had never known Jess either. Dean was the only one who had met her. But somehow he'd forgotten, or not thought about it.

He lowered his gaze to his own hands, folded together on the table. "First girlfriend. At Stanford. She...died like you did. Because Azazel wanted me."

She closed her eyes for a moment as she processed the news and tried not to let the guilt consume her at that moment. Mary exhaled quietly and opened her eyes to look back at her son. "I'm sorry Sam." She paused, looking at him as she processed more. "... You went to Standford?"

"I don't blame you for Jess." It was hard to say and probably the first time he'd admitted it. But he felt a little better when he did. "That was all Azazel."

He shrugged at her question, one shoulder rolling in a gesture he'd unconsciously picked up from his father. "Yeah, I went to Stanford. Full ride. Dad and Dean didn't even know I applied. They didn't want me to go, either." She didn't need to know that Dad had told him not to bother coming back.

This time her expression soured a bit. "Well that's ridiculous. College is important and the fact you got a full ride into Stanord." She shook her head, sighing a she sat back a little. "I'm sorry."

The smile that flickered over his face was something like triumph. He'd always thought she'd understand. "I was going to law school in the fall, before Dean came to get my help finding Dad," he told her. And then felt, in fairness, he ought to explain, "It wasn't all their fault. I was stubborn and I wanted something more than being a hunter. Dad and Dean felt like I was giving up on getting revenge for you."

Mary knew a lot about revenge. Her father had been driven by it once or twice as well. She gave a soft sigh. "You shouldn't have had to revenge me." If she could have some words with John, she would, but he was dead too and the thought quickly faded. What was done was done.

"Being here... do you like it?"

That...wasn't a question he'd been expecting. "I'm used to it." He pushed a hand through his bangs, and then let it fall. "There are good things about it. People I wouldn't have met."

Girls he wouldn't be with.

"Like River. My...well, she's sort of my roommate. Have you met her yet?"

"I haven't, actually." She leaned in a little bit. "Is she nice?"

Sam remembered the night on the boat, smiled a little and then shook his head. "Nice isn't really a word that applies to River. Sometimes she's really sweet. Sometimes she's just really strange. She doesn't understand nice or polite or anything but the truth and what she's thinking right then."

He upchinned when he saw Kitty approaching, paused and waited for her to take his order and Mom's and then waited for Kitty to leave again before starting again.

"River's...messed up. When she was younger, they did something to her brain. Now she's got telepathy but she can't control it. She hears voices. Feels feelings. All the time.

"I helped her when she first got here and she took to me, because she missed her brother. When Dean left, River decided we should share a room because we were both missing a brother. So now we do."

"Then she does sound nice." Mary said after a moment. "Strange or not, it sounds like she has a good heart." Mary knew that the truth could heart - that much was clear even here with Sam, but it didn't make someone terrible.

"I'm glad you had someone when your brother left."

Sam didn't want to think about when Dean left, but he nodded. "I had Rebekah then, too. She's gone now."

The less said about Rebekah the better. Since questions would be awkward.

"River's special." He glanced up at his mother, trying to meet her gaze. "She needs people to look after her who won't treat her like a child even though she can be one sometimes."

She gave a nod, understanding what he was saying. "I'd like to meet her at some point, if she'd be willing."

"I'm sure she'd like that." Especially if she thought it mattered to Sam. Same way Mom was doing now. Which Sam recognized. "Thanks, Mom."

Every time Sam said mom, there was a little twinge in her heart that seemed to add another stitch to mend the way she felt about her failings as a mother to him. "I'm glad you've found a place here. A lot of people speak highly of you."

Sam ducked his head. "We all take care of each other, that's all."

It was really awkward, this combination of compliments and getting to know each other. One would be a lot easier without the other.

"Any thoughts on how we can make this less weird?" he spit out. "Because I know having a son almost your own age is weird, even for hunters."

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