[For Mary] Talking, backdated to closer to arrival

[st_andingtall]

A little while after his mom had arrived, Sam called her room and invited her to join him for a meal. It felt awkward and uncomfortable, but it was the right thing to do. Since she agreed, he arranged to meet her out by the pool.

It was a pleasant evening, and several heat lamps had been placed around the bar to make taking meals outside more comfortable. Kitty had seen him go out and gave him a thumbs up to say she'd check on him and his guest later. He sat and waited for her to arrived, fingers tapping awkwardly on the table.

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[st_huntermom]

Every time Sam said mom, there was a little twinge in her heart that seemed to add another stitch to mend the way she felt about her failings as a mother to him. "I'm glad you've found a place here. A lot of people speak highly of you."

[st_andingtall]

Sam ducked his head. "We all take care of each other, that's all."

It was really awkward, this combination of compliments and getting to know each other. One would be a lot easier without the other.

"Any thoughts on how we can make this less weird?" he spit out. "Because I know having a son almost your own age is weird, even for hunters."

[st_huntermom]

Mary couldn't help but let out a soft laugh that was followed with a smile. "That's a good question." She paused, thinking about the words she wanted to say. "For me... there's just so many questions. Mom questions. First word. First step. First birthday. First broken bone. First love...."

[st_andingtall]

"First love was Jessica," Sam said quietly, since he'd already said as much. "First word was 'Dean'. First step, I don't know. It wasn't the sort of thing we kept track of. First birthday, I don't remember." He gave her a crooked sort of smile. "First broken bone or first broken bone I told anyone about?"

[st_huntermom]

Mary took a few moments to process all that information. When her mind caught up to reality, her head tilted just a little. "You broke a bone and didn't tell anyone? How old were you?"

[st_andingtall]

"I'm pretty sure I broke my nose in a fight when I was six, and I definitely broke my ribs in a fight when I was nine. There was no point telling Dean, because he'd have worried, and Dad wasn't there for me to tell." Sam shrugged again and glanced up to see Kitty arriving with their food.

"Not much anyone could do about either, and I kept breaking things because I kept fighting bullies. Besides, Dad probably would've said the pain would toughen me up."

[st_huntermom]

Mary's lips pressed into what would have been a frown, but she was trying hard not do it too deeply because what was done was done, but she didn't like any of the things she heard, especially that John would have said such a thing. The only thing remotely uplifting was that Sam was fighting bullies. She wanted to apologize again - if she hadn't died, she would like to think Sam's life would have been different.

She was quiet for a moment or two before she asked what she felt she had to ask. She needed to know. "Do you have any happy memories?"

[st_andingtall]

"Lots from Stanford," he answered quickly. Probably too quickly. But those came easiest to mind.

He frowned then, an echo of her expression, before he said, "It wasn't all bad. If that's what you're worried about. I used to follow Dean everywhere, like a little duck, and he was good about it. We had a lot of fun, and I didn't hate hunting with him and Dad. I just wanted something else for my life. Dad and I didn't really start fighting until I got older and challenged him whenever I disagreed with him."

[st_huntermom]

Slight relief rested on her face, though the ever-present subtle tense of guilt remained. She carried it with her most of the time, often in her shoulders. "I guess it's hard for me to picture John hunting and being so... impatient. He was really good with you boys when you were born."

[st_andingtall]

"He never got over you," Sam told her, not accusative. If anything, he was trying to reassure her. That was weird, since he was sure Dad hadn't been celibate. Not that he'd ever let him see anything. Dean might have.

"I was the same after Jess... it was like I couldn't think of anything else. An itch between my shoulder blades, fire in my gut. I didn't have time for anything or anyone until we killed Azazel."

It was sort of sad that he finally understood Dad and then he went and died.

[st_huntermom]

Mary felt conflicted. It was nice to know the love she felt for John was returned even in death. At the same time, she was sad that her death had changed the man she loved so much. She wondered just how much he had endured because of her. A part of her had to wonder if she should have ever brought him into her life.

"Your grandfather would get like that sometimes. Very focused on one thing. Driven. Until he defeated it."

[st_andingtall]

Sam frowned tightly. Henry had told him that by the time he met Sam and Dean, they'd known their mother's family, but he hadn't met them yet.

He nodded and then asked, "Did you know about Dad's dad? That he was a Man of Letters?"

[st_huntermom]

Mary shook her head a bit confused. "No. Henry wasn't around when I met your father. What's a Man of Letters?"

[st_andingtall]

"An organization of 'preceptors, observers, beholders, chroniclers' of mysteries and magic. They knew things, like hunters, but they didn't involve themselves and didn't kill things, but sometimes they collaborated with hunters." He hadn't been testing Henry's story, not really, but it was good to have confirmation that she hadn't known. "Henry was one. Dad's dad. I met him here. He said Dad, and Dean and I should've been legacies. Scholars. Not hunters."

[st_huntermom]

"They new about supernatural beings but didn't help stop them?" She had something to say about that, but realized Sam wasn't exactly anyone who could do anything about it. "Wait... you met Henry here?"

[st_andingtall]

"They're not all evil," Sam said, trying not to get sharp about it. "Some of them mind their own business and live their lives. Like me. I'm supernatural." And it hadn't been his doing, but hers.

[st_huntermom]

Mary paused, though there was this sensation at the back of her neck like dread at the question she was about to ask. "What do you mean?"

[st_andingtall]

"What did you think Azazel wanted me for?" His tongue rolled behind his teeth, pain showing in his eyes. "He fed me his blood. I'm not human anymore. Not just human. I can do things... I'm a freak."

[st_huntermom]

It hit her like a ton of bricks and she couldn't bring herself to say anything for a moment. Her expression was lost somewhere between shock and guilt and worry. This was all her fault. She closed her eyes for a moment. Saving John had been the only thing she thought of that night and she had been so sure that Azazel would have come after her.

She opened her eyes again, her voice soft and more unsure than before. "You're not a freak Samm-."

[st_andingtall]

"You can't have it both ways, Mom. Either some supernatural beings don't need to be hunted because they're just living their lives, or all supernatural beings need hunting, including me."

His stomach twisted with guilt and grief and he hated that they had to have this conversation this way, but they did. He couldn't let her keep on thinking like this, not with so many people in the inn it would affect.

[st_huntermom]

"The people here... they aren't from our world Sam. I've never... I've never met any supernatural being that wasn't doing terrible things." Her father had been so black and white about everything, too, which didn't help. He was so adamant on having Mary see the horrors of what each creature could do it was hard to fathom that some of them weren't bad.

[st_andingtall]

"I met a vampire who only fed from cows, and a werewolf who wanted us to help her not hurt anyone at the full moon," he told his mother. "The werewolf, Madison--" If it sounded like he'd cared for her, he had. She'd been the first person he really felt anything for after Jess. Sarah had been...a possibility, but more of a reminder of a different life. "She turned when she was in bed with me, but she didn't hurt me. The next day, she made us kill her. She wasn't a monster, Mom. She was just someone's daughter who got bitten by a guy who thought he was protecting her."

[st_huntermom]

Mary paused again. She thought about meeting Corbie here be accident and how, by the end of the conversation, she hadn't been on edge any more around her. Her mind was clearly reeling through a variety of thoughts as she looked at her adult son. There was a stubborn hardness there than no doubt mirrored Dean in some ways, and definitely John. She sat back lightly against the chair. "I've spent a lot of time fighting things that hurt people... Seen a lot of things that I was probably too young to see." Her father had been a very driven man.

"I can't say or promise I'm going to trust anything that's supernatural or be automatically comfortable around them. But. For you. I'm going to try to keep an open mind." She paused slightly. "If I was going to hunt here I'd already be doing it."

[st_andingtall]

Sam's shoulders untensed a little and his jaw stopped looking like he was going grind his teeth to stumps any second. He nodded, breathed out, ran a hand through his hair and nodded again, sighing.

"Fear's good. It keeps you smart and safe," Sam said, like he'd heard Dad and Bobby say a dozen times, or maybe it was Ellen Harvelle's voice he was hearing. "I'm not asking you to trust everyone on my say so. Just, if they're not attacking you or anyone else, but you're worried, ask me first?"

[st_huntermom]

Mary studied her son for a moment, then nodded. "I will. You have my word. But I don't like being in the dark, either. So if there's someone or something at the inn that count, potentially, become dangerous, I'd like to know about it too. To prepare myself. Even if that means to prepare myself to grin and bear it."